I was at a networking meeting for birth professionals recently and in small group discussions we asked a question: “What do you wish more people knew about pregnancy, birth, postpartum or breastfeeding?”
There are a lot of answers to that question, but immediately one doula said (and I paraphrase), “I wish more women knew… that they had options.” Options*. Yes. You have tons of them. But often people don’t know about them–well, you can’t ask questions about something you don’t know exists–so they get swept along with the status quo.
Here’s how it so often goes: You already have an OB/GYN that you see for your annual Pap test and any other “feminine issues”. When you get pregnant you’re a jumble of emotions and new physical sensations. The birth is, like, forever away. You call your OB/GYN to see what to do next and you’re told that they don’t see you until you’re about 12 weeks along. And so you wait. And hopefully you’re not too nauseous as you’re waiting.
When you do go in for your first visit, you’ll spend short visit being weighed, measured and listening to the heartbeat (♥). You may do some tests to screen for Down Syndrome and Spina Bifida. (Do you have to do these tests? No. But then again, you probably don’t know that’s option. And you don’t know that the screening test is only about 60% accurate. The other 40% of the time, it gives you a false positive or a false negative, yielding either a lot of anxiety and more tests or a false sense of security). And then… you make an appointment for the next visit in another month. Maybe you had some questions, but your doctor seemed pretty busy. Besides you’ve got tons of time before you have to talk about all this stuff (remember, the birth is forever away). You can cover it in the next visit. Or can you? (For an illuminating view on the differing amounts of time you spend with an OB vs. a Midwife, watch this 2 1/2 minute video)
Maybe you have a vague concept that there are other childbirth choices, but they all seem kind of out there, odd, or um, crunchy. You can’t really relate.
I can relate.
You might be the ‘respect authority’ type, or the laid back ‘I-don’t-want-to-trouble-anyone’ type. I know I was. Only because my interest in birth goes back pretty far, did I go for the “crunchy” option right away. But I don’t like to inconvenience people, especially not doctors. They’re important and they’re busy. I’m not a diva. I don’t feel like my needs have the be the highest priority. No big deal, right?
There are all kinds of choices that need to be made in your pregnancy and birth (in your life for that matter) and if you are not making those choices, it doesn’t mean that there wasn’t a choice, it just means that someone else is making it for you. Sometimes that’s nice. I hate making decisions. If it’s of little consequence, I’m only too happy to hand that responsibility off to someone else! (Thai food? Burgers and fries? I don’t care! Pick for me.) But the key word here is “consequence.” Who has to live with them? You do.
Wrenching as it sometimes is to make big decisions (or little ones, even) there’s something immensely satisfying about being in the drivers seat when it comes to your care.
Women should be making decisions together with their doctors or midwives. Your doctor or midwife should know enough about you to understand your hopes, fears and peculiarities. He or she should listen, answer your questions fully and should have a genuine interest in you and your well being.
If you have a nagging feeling about whether your choice of provider or birth place is really right, my advice is not to push it away. Take that nagging feeling and look it in the eye. Are you confident that you will get all the support you might need? If not, it’s time to start researching your options. There’s that word again! Options. Research them. Ask questions. Read books. Read blogs! It doesn’t mean you have to change your mind or your plans. In fact all your research might show you that, in fact, your first choice was the right one for you. But whatever you choose, it will feel better–more purposeful–now. And, really, one less nagging worry is always a good thing!
Congratulations. You’ve found your voice.
*Obviously, this post isn’t about specific options (too much to cover in one blog entry!), but about the value of exercising your freedom of choice. 🙂